Guide -- Dating guide for Asian men - Part 7 - How to Fix Yourself
Dating guide for Asian men - Part 7 - How to Fix Yourself
Every weakness that I’ve pointed out so far has a solution on this page. This is your bible for making yourself attractive to women [but applies to life in general]. The content here is ordered by importance.
Confidence and success comes from competence.
Confidence comes from competence which comes from skills [can mostly be acquired] and physical appearance [can be acquired to a lesser extent]. Always strive to become the best version of yourself. Your confidence rubs off onto others you meet.
Having quality women in your life is the result of becoming a great guy [and pursuing women]. The only aspect of meeting women you need to learn are some basic skills in this section and also the simple walk through on the how to get girls page
Defy Negative Stereotypes
Never look like a stereotypical Asian nerd. It’s a huge red-flag to women. It’s easy. You can do it within days. I cannot stress this enough. You may also adapt existing “positive” stereotypes - tough guy, artist, athlete, rocker, outdoors guy, etc. These are shortcuts to convey desirable traits.
Approach girls persistently but non-desperately. Show your WANT but not a NEED. Make sense? Communicate your interest and desire for her but you and her should know that you have options and it’s no big deal if it doesn’t work out.
Speak up. Confront racists. Help your fellow Asian if they’re being bullied.
Quit Watching Porn
Basically, porn kills your motivation, drains your energy, makes you weak, raises your standards of beauty to unrealistic levels, and gives a false sense of contentment. See http://yourbrainonporn.com/
Looks and Fashion Style
Appearance is broken down into physical, fashion style, grooming, hair, skin, and body language.
Appearance is so important. Women will deny this but they want attractive men. There are countless stories of men who went from being “awful with women” to being “good with women” JUST from fixing their appearance. It is THAT important so fix your appearance.
Use the Feldenkrais Method and solve your posture problems forever. It’s better than the Alexander Technique.
There is an entire book on body language by Allan Pease and Paul Ekman micro expression training.
Be more expressive than normal to look like you care and more importantly, to clearly communicate your emotions. This is a must Asians because we tend to look unemotional.
● Relax your eyes and your jaw to look warmer. This opens people up and trust you.
● Stop fidgeting
● Stop appearing distracted / confused (eyes darting around)
● Stop acting nervous (eg hands in pocket, biting nails, twitchy movements)
● Avoid showing discomfort because it’s often interpreted it as unwelcoming. Explain to others if you have allergies so they don’t misinterpret your behavior.
● Move purposefully and don’t rush yourself.
It should look like you’re smiling to an old friend and say life is good. For the perfect smile tilt your head to the side slightly, relax, and blink once when smiling. Practice at home.
● This is a huge indicator of your confidence/dominance. Most guys will break eye contact and subcommunicate weakness. In my best interactions, I’ve always held comfortable eye contact for around 3 seconds. It FELT awkward, but the results were good.
Don’t give a creepy stare, which is completely still! Your eyes linger softly on her and admirer her beauty. You can look from eye to eye to avoid creepy staring.
● Be calm and comfortable with eye contact. Blink slower as if you’re soaking up her beauty. See Brad Pitt from “Meet Joe Black” for an example.
● Other times, move your eyes anywhere along the triangle - left eye-right eye-lips. Spend 75-90% of your time along the triangle but move to her ear for a break. Staring too long is creepy. Don’t do “laps” though. I simply gave you the safe places to gaze on.
● Avoid looking down between sentences. As stated earlier, look away to her ears.
● Avoid looking at their lips for too long. The angle makes your eyes look small and aggressive.
● Be comfy and don’t be afraid to take up space. Don’t exaggerate though.
● Stand tall with head up and looking straight.
● Feet should be shoulder-width apart.
● Anchor your shoulders. Do not pull them back in an exaggerated way.
● Avoid crossing arms. That looks unwelcoming.
● Hold drinks at your side instead of in front of you (a defensive stance).
● Avoid straining your muscles by sitting at a computer/desk all day. That weakens your back and tenses your chest causing your shoulders to roll forward and slouch.
Communication is 80-90% nonverbal (not the words). Thus, it’s not what you say, it’s how you say it. You can talk about nearly anything but if you act confident and calm, speak with a strong voice, warm and confident eye contact, relaxed and open body language, she’ll generally respond well.
Speak slower and speak louder
You can deepen and control your voice to project it further and louder, which is more masculine. Your tone is very important. Make sure it communicates the emotion you’re aiming for. Sound like you enjoy her company. Sound interested.
This is the best program for vocal development. Richard Corbeil’s Vocal Integration with the Feldenkrais Method.
Tonality should match content. If you’re describing something sexy, your tonality should be sexier - deeper and slower.
Lose your accent. I don’t know why but Asian accents are the worst. It disgusts even me. The worst are words that start with “w” are the wwwworst. Here’s the best product to for getting a proper American English accent, American Accent Training by Ann Cook. Actually, any non-accented English is fine.
Increase your Testosterone
Testosterone is the chemical that makes a man a man. You want more of this.
● No porn
● Do intense exercise like sprinting and heavy weight lifting (Lifing heavy may be a bad idea in highschool as it may stunt growth. Research.)
● Get plenty of sleep
● Eat pumpkin seeds for zinc
● Avoid alcohol
● Avoid stress
● Get Sunlight
● Avoid processed "food"
● Eat saturated fats like coconut oil
● Compete (business, sports, meeting women)
● Eat fruits
● Intermittent fasting [maybe]
Very simple. Don’t spit on the street, say “excuse me” when appropriate, chew with your mouth closed, don’t litter, and don’t talk too loudly.
This is super important.
Whatever mental/emotional state you’re in is the state other people will experience by being with you - to an extent.
● When you’re relaxed they’ll be relaxed.
● If you’re nervous they’ll be nervous.
● If you hate yourself and think you’re cool then others are more likely to see you in the same way.
Assume familiarity. Talk to her as if she’s a good friend. Minimize formal / stranger talk like “hi, what’s your name, how are you?” and “this is so random” and “Don’t be scared. I won’t hurt you.”. Be relaxed and positive so that vibing / conversing will go much smoother.
It’s amazing how much of the interaction is determined by our state. This is why issues like bad health, racial insecurity, constant microaggressions, body-image issues, self-esteem issues destroy your interactions even if you’re saying all the right things..
Read the section above, states resonate, until it’s deep in your skull.
● Have a warm energy. Just appear to enjoy life. Don’t fake being “cool”. Don’t try to prove yourself. Be real. Avoid looking stern, aloof, angry, pensive, negative or disinterested.
● Focus on the subtext, not text. The subtext never lies. Subtext are the emotions. How you two are feeling. The subtext comes mostly from body language, tonality, etc. How does she look at you? Is she relaxed? If she enjoying herself? Ask the same of yourself.
● The way to vibe with her is just to talk, share stories, and make jokes to have a good time. That’s it. Behave the same way you do with your friends. Avoid agendas such as trying to impress, seeking a reaction, etc.
● Focus on sharing / relating emotions / feelings from the I perspective to build comfort / trust / rapport (see rapport section below). Instead of “I did this” tell her “I was excited this morning to try surfing.”. Emotions are her way of connecting to you. Facts feel clinical. Explore a range of emotions - happy, sad, fear, anxiety, etc. Avoid negatives though.
Note: It’s sad that I have to say this, but the “behave like you would with a friend” does not apply if you and your friends are socially weird eg discussing mmo strategies in public and trading Pokemon cards.
● Give her an easy exit. This shows you’re safe, non-needy, and non-creepy guy. Creeps force the interaction or overstay their welcome.
● Don’t be anal, which is logical, critical, analytical, argumentative, and precise. There’s no points for being right. It’s just not fun [usually]
● Be in the moment. Get out of your head. Whenever people run out of things to say it’s because they’re in their head and ignoring all the information that she’s giving verbally and especially nonverbally that you should work with. Soak in the moment and especially absorb the emotional state that she’s in and build off of that.
● Make, be, and have fun. Be a bit child-like and look for the lighter side of things, and be positive. Save the deep stuff for later.
I know this will be hard for many of you because we tend to gravitate into the more brainy logic-heavy fields. Practice on safe people like family.
Conversational Skills /Social Skills
Here’s the conversation skills bible for Asian men.
How to Read Signals / How to read her body language
Signs that she’s interested:
● Looks at you. Especially if done multiple times and especially long gazes.
● Smiling at you
● Playing with her hair while looking at you
● Giggling while looking at you
Signs that she’s very interested in you:
● You two are comfortably physically close together
● She asks you stupid questions (because she’s trying to create conversation)
● She laughs with you - not at you.
● Calls you a dork or weird while smiling. If she calls you a dork after you do something truly dorky then no.
● She playfully hits you.
● Calls you crazy in a joking way.
● Shows up out of no where such as dropping by an event you didn’t invite her to.
● Invites you out alone or with just a close friend. The close friend is like a judge to screen you for quality. It means she’s serious about you.
● She asks you what kind of girls you like.
Now, during the interaction, there’s one simple way to tell if she’s interested. The one rule:
- You engage her.
- She engages you back.
That’s it. If she’s cold or rude then there still may be a chance that she’s open because - especially - hot women get approached all the time so you need to understand she puts up this wall because she deals with morons all day. Your job in those cases is be cool and keep talking. If she’s truly not interested she would stop talking to you or hint to tell you to leave. If she’s cold but still engaging then it probably means she needs more time to open up.
Dealing with cockblocks
Cockblocks are people that try to intimidate you, interrupt you, or embarrass you when you’re talking to girls. You simply ignore them or you can ask them to repeat themselves (pretend you can’t hear them) until they look retarded. Simple and effective.
Every now and then some idiot will get physical, you’ll need to stand your ground and fight [within reason. don’t fight a group of Nazis]. When people get physical with your girl, you need to man up and defend her. There’s no way around this. If you’re in a place with other people then draw attention to his wrong doings with things like “Don’t touch her you pervert”, “Stop harassing her you creep”, “Don’t grope her you creep.”
The key is that people have a gut reaction to these words creep and pervert. That will draw in enough dirty reactions from the surroundings to make the idiot think twice.
Only as a last resort would I use violence.
Learn to go after the critical zones: nose, eyes, throat, groin, ankles (front, back, and side), toes, knee. Some 90% of people are right handed so prepare to defend or evade with your left side. Always use your peripheral vision to see attacks. NEVER look at the fists and feet. You’ll get hit before you can react. Basically, stare at the middle of their face or body and you’ll see the attacks coming from edges of your eyes. The key points to look for are the shoulders. They move before every punch. Notice the pelvis/upper thigh. Like the shoulder, they move before every kick.
Note: I really urge you to get some training in fighting. Reading this short blurb won’t help much. You need a mentor and practice.
This would take me too long to write, but there’s a great book on it by a fellow Asian, Sex God Method by Daniel Rose. Sex is very important in a long term relationship. Don’t be the selfish lover. Make her happy in bed. Don’t ever use sex as a way to control women. You hate women who do that so don’t be a hypocrite.
You don’t really need to read the stuff below unless you have those specific problems. The most important stuff is above the line so focus on that. I included the stuff below for thoroughness.
Charisma and Charm
Here’s the Charisma and Charm bible for Asian men
Having an interesting life worth talking about by doing things. Go places, do stuff, see things, learn new things by taking classes, attend events, meet people, etc. This can all be done with a modest budget of $100-$300 a month. Add some volunteer activities. It’s a good way to give back and humanize yourself.
People are all dying to live life and have fun, but nearly everyone is scared to death of looking like an idiot so they hold back and do “safe” stuff like talk about work and the weather. Bring fun and people love you for it. You are their escape from boredom.
The key thing is to be daring. Dare to upset her, be forward, be different, and to step outside your comfort zone.
● Be self amusing. I often lightly prank people. Never do anything that would heavily embarrass them or get them wet / dirty / etc. Basically, she should be able to laugh it off and have no harm done. You can also troll other people together like making animal sounds at a park while hiding.
● Randomize parts of your life to avoid routine, which gets stale quick. Flip coins to choose what to do, what to eat, etc.
● Do friendly bets on anything. Who can eat faster, dares to try something weird, how long a waiter will take to serve your order, who can walk with their eyes closed the longest, which way a pedestrian will walk, anything.
● Play “horse”. This is related to friendly bets. This is adapted from basketball, where you each take turns doing a challenge / trick / dare and the other person has to do the same. If they fail then they add on letter until they spell (h-o-r-s-e).
Proven conversation games:
Roleplay (this is also great for humor):
● Psychologist - guess their intent, sexual fantasy, creative or logical, etc
● Fashionista - critique her and other people’s fashion choices
● Food critic / food show host - describe the food you’re eating with extravagant descriptions. Doesn’t matter what you’re eating. In fact, the more common the food the better. Watch a few food shows. Those hosts will describe salt as if it’s the cure for cancer. It’s ridiculous and hilarious.
● Godfather / gangster
● Secret spy type
● Evil CEO
● Conspiracy theorist
● Hypothetical situations - For example, “You get 1,000,000 and you have to give it ALL away…who would get the money?”. These are quite fun but you coming up with good questions isn’t easy. Fortunately there are books with tons of fun and interesting questions in books already.
● Learn from homosexuals. Women love these guys because they find them fun. I find them annoying but whatever.
● Copy cute / fun ideas from romance / romantic comedies from tv and film. Make sure you modify it slightly or you’ll look like a copy cat.
● Silly games. Get a book on kid’s games
● Surprise her
I got many of the ideas from these pages and presented the best ones here.
Light physical activities that encourage touching and close interaction [so she doesn’t sweat]
● teach her billiards
● massage [start non-sexual first then see what happens]
Memorize some jokes. I grab a few top sellers and categorize my favorites by context so I’ll have a few good jokes for dinners, walkings, waiting in lines, drivings, etc.
You can also do the same for interesting facts. There are tons of websites like that.
Asians are financially very practical. We rarely get into crushing debt. So, set aside some monthly “fun funds”. It doesn’t even matter if it makes sense or is practical. The only metric is fun. Is it fun? Yes, do it.
Being funny / humorous
Miscellaneous - Coolness
Cool = effortlessness skill / success.
The more effortless it appears and the more skill that is required the cooler you look. A guy hitting a bulls-eye with a dart while smiling at a barmaid is dripping with cool because it’s hard as hell and he looks effortless.
Here’s the two part secret:
● Effortless people work very hard and never tell you. Experts make it look easy.
● Humility. Never show off or brag. You can leave subtle hints of your skill or success. For example, if you’re rich, wear nice but understated clothes. If you’re a good dancer then lead her in a dance. When complimented, accept the compliment and then change topics.
Miscellaneous - Mystery
Mystery is one of those things that probably sounds better on paper than real life, but there are some useful general principles. Mysterious = serious though. It just means you’re not soo easy to read as to be predictable.
First of all, you need to be attractive enough for them to care
Less is more
Say less than is necessary. This creates anticipation / tension just the way marketing masters like iPhone teases you before each release. Ensure everything you say counts. Share bits and pieces of yourself overtime. Each revelation is exciting because of that built up silence / tension. Funny enough, if you had constantly shared stuff, each revelation would be less exciting. Measured silence can be seductive.
When you share information, you can still withhold personal details while focusing on experiences and emotions.
Show / don’t tell
A rich guy can show his wealth mysteriously simply by his ability to buy expensive things without blinking, mentioning events he’s attended like fashion week in Paris, Vienna has nice breads, etc. Notice he doesn’t once bring up his money. His behavior / choices communicates his wealthiness.
Leave people wanting more
Leave first and on high notes. Do not be too available. Leaving on a high leaves a strong impression and she can fill in the blanks of how fun, enjoyable, attractive you are. We often fall in love with idealized versions of our crushes. Remember to moderate yourself. Do not be obsessive and competitive by always hanging up first. Yes, that leaves that wanting more, but when overdone, they’ll think you’re just weird.
Unpredictable / contrarian / pick the road less travelled / posess depth
Keep in mind this assumes that your behavior is also sensible. Punching yourself in the balls is contrarian but retarded.
● talk to hot women without losing your nerve. Can you look at her in the eyes without starring at her cleavage, appreciate her for more than just her looks, stay true to yourself instead even if it offends her?, etc
Lots of guys will simply kiss her ass, lust like an idiot, etc. Self control is quite an achievement [to her].
● If lots of women are after you, you don’t play each one like most horndogs would.
● You return a missing wallet to the lost and found which is 10 minutes away instead of keeping it.
● The women you pick aren’t such obvious selections either eg dumb but hot.
● How you treat others. If you treat the weak and the strong in similar ways, it shows you’re not the same as most people. Especially if you show benevolence to the weak. it’s a sign of decency. Similarly, do you sell your soul to a rich but corrupt person?
● Who do you admirer? Celebrities who are famous for being famous? people with merit? what kind of merit? why those merits?
● You spare insects by catch and release instead of killing them because you think they deserve to live as much as anyone else.
● You stop a woman from drinking too much instead trying to get her drunk for sex
Cannot be controlled
others cannot control, shake you, or break you. The will of a strong man is intoxicating to women. It signafies power. Most men [people] are controlled by the “matrix” of their lust, money, material objects, status, etc. If you’re out of that, you’re outside the matrix.
Miscellaneous - How to not be creepy
Women like to label any man she finds unattractive as creepy. Two men can do the same thing. She’ll label the guy she’s attracted to as charming and she’ll label the guy’s she’s not attracted to as creepy - for the same actions. It’s a sick way to quickly hurt a guy’s reputation when all she really meant was she’s not interested but didn’t want to appear shallow. There are legitimate reasons why someone is creepy though.
Creepy is looking and / or acting outside the normal expected range.
Creepy doesn’t look right
Emo style doesn’t fit into general society but it has it’s own niche group. Creepy doesn’t fit into society or any niche group except a group shared by pedophiles, rapists, serial killers, cannibals, etc. Nerds / geeks used to be creepy too, but it’s given some leeway since it’s become somewhat mainstream.
Creepy also doesn’t feel right.
Do not do the following because it’s creepy:
● A “stare” that looks deadly or ice-cold. If you frequently scare children then you have a creepy stare.
● Being unusually quiet. Shy is usually ok, but very quiet is unnerving.
● Weird and make others uncomfortable - inability to relate to normal stuff, brings up weird topics, wearing winter clothes in summer, etc. Just odd.
● Wearing really old faded clothes - typically jeans and t-shirt. The key is that it…almost blends in, but sticks out. The classic haunted house is a good analogy. It’s a normal house isn’t it? But the windows are broken, there’s cobwebs, mold, the lawn is unkept, etc. It just looks wrong - like there’s no one living there. The other way is to wear clothes that mismatch current fashions. Eg wearing pleated jeans in 2012 or wearing their big 80’s hair in 2010.
● Staring / lurking / perving from any distance.
● They say weird things at the wrong times
● fail to laugh at simple jokes
● look at you like they’re dead inside or planning something devious. The natural warmth and friendliness isn’t there.
● too warm and too friendly
Miscellaneous - Penis Enlargement
I’m writing this because some men from any ethnicity have small penises. There are penis enlargement exercises that work. The penis is like a muscle/tissue which can grow. Re-read this small Asian penis myth debunk. Don’t get fooled by racist “studies” that claim Asian men have small penises.
I caution against penis enlargement exercises unless you’re under 5 inches. Even then, I wouldn’t exercise to get more than 6 inches just in case you fall in love with a girl who has an incompatibly small vagina. It will actually hurt her. It’s unlikely, but could happen.
According to my research:
● You will need to exercising the penis anywhere from 10 to 30 minutes a day, three to five days a week. In the beginning, you’ll want to start out extremely light and work your way up.
● For many men, the increased size is permanent. It is recommend that you cement your gains by weaning yourself off the exercises…
● It’s common for 0-10% gains within the first few months, 10-20% gain will take about a year with a decent amount of devotion, and 20-30% gains becomes very slow and difficult.
Anyways, there is a site that is free http://www.thundersplace.org/ , but I can’t vouch for since it’s not the original and there’s a professionally done dvd tutorial that shows all the exercises and recommended routines. The dvd was done by the pioneer of this stuff back in the late 90’s so he knows the stuff better than anyone.