Guide -- Dating guide for Asian men - Part 9 - How to keep the girl

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Dating guide for Asian men - Part 9 - How to keep the girl

Read link what women really want in a man. The main take away is validation. Show that you love her, find her sexy / irresistible, engage her emotions, don’t give her reason to distrust you, stay in shape, and just work at it. Relationships are like flowers, you need to maintain them. They die without sunlight, water, and that plant food that looks like short sticks of chalk.

Show Affection

Asians are typically clinical and stingy with displays of affection and it’s very alien to westernized women. Show affection using the same ideas from the escalation section immediately above. Obviously, the amount you give depends on if you two just met or are dating.

When you two are beyond just acquaintances you should go even further by:
● If you love them, then tell them at least once a week. It seems silly but it means a lot to them.
● Kissing
● Hugging (a word about hugging - Allow her hip/body to touch hers fully otherwise you’ll look asexual. Pull her in and allow her to lean fully into you). Don’t be this guy.

Wrong way to hug [1], Better way to hug [2]

 

● Stroke her hair
● Put one arm around her waist when walking together
● Wrap your arms around her
● Adjust / fix her clothes if they’re out of place. It shows you care and can take care of her. Girls really like that.
● Softly rub one knuckles down her cheek (you fingers should be curled as if you’re holding a small tube), etc

Romantic Gestures 101

It’s all about the thoughtfulness, effort, uniqueness, and corniness.

Ironically, the most romantic things that will stay in her mind are unplanned things that just happened in the moment. These things don’t take much effort nor are they unique or really corny. It’s as simple as giving her your coat when she’s cold and she later finds out you were sick. Another example is giving her the last piece of your favorite food because she’s hungry. The theme is selflessness/sacrifice. It’s a fine balance though since you don’t want to be seen as giving up your sovereignty.

Thougthfulness
Flowers and chocolates are the least romantic because they’re the DEFAULT. It speaks nothing of your connection with her unless she’s specifically into flowers and chocolates. If she likes baking, then get her a new baking pan, get a silicone sheet to avoid burnt edges, get her the latest best-selling baking book, take her to see a famous baker who came into town to teach a workshop. Those gifts say “I know you and I want you to be happy”.

Romantic gestures can build on what you share already such as an inside joke, a memorable experience, a struggle you overcame together. They can also be a teaser that leads to a later surprise. For example, get her a dress and tell her to meet you at some place, where you take her to a boat tour.

Effort
Effort is how hard it was. Don’t overdo it but buying a card is easy. Making one or paying for one to be custom made at from a place like fivver is romantic because you’re different and you put an effort into making it unique/special to her.

Uniqueness
Yes, being unique/special is very important. Generic gifts have very low value, but when the gift feels custom made for only her, she feels so special - like the only girl you care about. Warning: if you suck at making stuff then get someone else to make it for you. Don’t put the girl in an awkward position holding your painting of her wondering why she looks like golem while you eagerly wait for a heartfelt “I love it! Thank you, honey”

Corniness
I couldn’t think of a better term, but honestly, being romantic is corny to me. I understand girls like it, and it’s one of the things that I put up with so when I say corniness, I say it with contempt.

To know if something is corny is easy. Would you give this gift/experience to your male friend? If the answer is no then it’s probably corny and probably suitable for your girl. She’ll think it’s romantic, but you and I know better.

For example, taking her to a botanical garden, light festival, blowing glass together, taking cooking glasses, going dancing, riding horses, candle lit environments, etc.

Beat Shit Tests

A shit test is anything a female uses to test your character / congruence. She’ll make fun of you, demand that you do weird things for her, disrespect you, intimidate you, etc. Ignore them or answer them jokingly. Do not get angry. The choice depends on the intensity of her test.

Be happy that she’s testing you, because it means she’s interested and each test you pass only increases her attraction towards you.

Here’s a series of tests by some really hot 9.5 / 10 co-worker.
● She had a another co-worker/friend literally kick me in the butt. I pulled that girl who kicked me to the side and told her never to touch me again.
● put some dust ball on my head and I gave her a stern look and told her to remove it. She did.
● I gave a her a silly nickname and she was shocked and confronted me with “What did you call me??” and I calmly repeated the same nickname with a smile. The nickname stuck.
● She started telling me a boring story and I started to doze off after rolling my eyes to the back of my head and snoring loudly.
● She tries to convince me manicures and pedicures are acceptable for men. I remarked “Homosexuals are allowed to do whatever they want”.

The key theme here is that I didn’t back down and I stayed consistent with my own beliefs. I didn’t try to please her. The tests ended and her attraction increased.

● A girl often asks “Does this make my ass look fat?” and my replies have included…

• “Yes, like a t-rex on the prowl for the next meal”
• “Only in all the wrong places”
• “Yes, as well as your calves”

You better have a strong frame that clearly says you’re joking if you’re going this far. A safer route is to just ignore it or turn it into a funny compliment

• “Only in the right places”
• “I wouldn’t say fat. More like apolitical [or any other irrelevant adjective to throw her off]”

DO NOT make fun of her if it is fat!! In those cases, I think you failed to validate and reassure her a long time ago.

Shit tests can come in other forms. She may act like a bitch for no reason and see if you tolerate it. Don’t. Put your foot down and tell her to behave or just ignore her. Don’t cater to her insane demands. It’s not a perfect test, but ask yourself if you would tolerate it if she were a guy friend?. You need to give women some leniency because of their periods, being more emotional, and physically weaker, but don’t be a push over.

● She may make stupid requests like wanting to drive your sedan on rough terrain that it’s not meant for. Say no.
● She may ask you to do something as innocent as holding her purse. Don’t!
● She may stand you up on a date or make you wait a long time. I give a girl 30 minutes, but she has to make it up to me in some way. After that, I leave and I delete her contact out of my phone and I won’t call her. If she calls me she better have an apology, another date set, and make it up to me.

Maybe my actions are extreme, but as much as these women may find it jerkish, they’re also much happier with my response than a spineless response that agrees with everything she says. The central theme is: I have a strong frame and strong opinions that are hard to shake. You can’t manipulate me and I won’t lose my cool or hand my balls over to her.

Don’t give her reason to distrust you

Don’t play around. Don’t be too flirtatious with other women. Buh buh buh, muh freedumz. The whole point of having a partner is to show commitment. Time to pull up my #1 rule. Would you want your daughter’s boyfriend or husband flirting with other women?

Stay attractive for her

This is common sense. Don’t be a lazy bum. Keep fit and dress sharp to keep the attraction alive.

Expect fights and disagreements

This is normal. It’s how you handle it that matters. Be fair and firm. Do not be petty. However, do address them early on so resentment, grudges, etc do not build up.

Some people are crazy though. In those cases, I’d cut my loses and move on.