Guide -- Dating guide for Asian men - Part 8 - How to get a girl
Dating guide for Asian men - Part 8 - How to get a girl
Here’s are the steps
● Stop being brainwashed by racist white lies about your “inferiority” - 2 weeks - 1 month
Asian men don’t have small penises
You are not physical inferior or ugly
● Fix your mental frames - 2 weeks to 6 months max.
● do not match negative stereotypes
● Fix your appearance - 1 month for easy stuff like fashion and up to 2 years for full bodybuilding. Most of you will be fine after a few months
● Seek similar social groups of people [eg by skill, interest]
● Act normal and have a warm vibe. See How to fix yourself
● Identify interested girls
● Build rapport with your conversation skills
Meeting a girl and getting her number doesn’t take more than 3-5 minutes usually. Talk long enough so she knows enough about you to be comfortable when you call her or see her again. Flaking (women ignoring you afterwards) means she didn’t get to know you well enough.
Your job is basically to NOT screw up once you establish interest in her. The key is to simply be normal while sharing/relating emotions. Show your sexual interest and escalate.
My #1 Rule for How to Treat Women
Treat women the way you want your own daughter to be treated. You already know what is scummy behavior. Don’t rationalize it. However, you do need to escalate the interactions if you’re a typical nice guy who thinks women are Super Pure™ unlike Deranged Sex-Crazed Men™. Both genders like sex. Just don’t be an abusive dick about it eg forcing her, lying, pump and dump, getting her drunk, preying on low self esteem women, attacking her self esteem, blackmail, etc. You would kill someone doing that to your daughter so don’t be a hypocrite.
Tricks Don’t Work
Pickup lines, speed seduction, gimmicks, pumping your state, etc are pointless because they’re fake and unsustainable. Eventually, you two will get to know each other. If the real you sucks then you will always lose the girl unless she has low self esteem/history of abuse/etc (don’t prey on these girls).
When you have the RIGHT mindset that I laid out in the correct mind set for Asian men You’ll naturally say and do the right things after some practice. Conversation skills is really the only major thing that most people need to learn. The rest like getting into shape, dressing well, having an interesting lifestyle, and making a living is easy in comparison.
Review the following pages again if you need a refresher
● What women really want
● Healthy mental frames for Asian males
● Vibe section [under how to fix yourself](under how to fix yourself)
● Understand that rejection is rarely personal
5 emotions She Must Feel
● Attraction - see physical appearance and not looking like an awful Asian stereotype , voice, body language, and comfort and trust (the emotional states)
● Relaxed - see states resonate under How to fix yourself
● Comfort - see states resonate under How to fix yourselfand See conversation skills
● Trust - Reveal your vulnerabilities, act with integrity, do not judge, validate her, appreciate who she is, give her no reason to doubt you, treat her well, be the same guy you are always (be good to her and be good to people around you. Be consistent).
● Connection - Share commonalities. Share your perspective with her. Validate her. See conversation skills
Be Persistent but Light
It’s just boy chases girl by showing interest / being sexual. They test / deny you to gauge your strength, but as you push through they get more turned on. Just keep it casual and fun.
Step 1 - Find them
The BEST way to meet them is through social groups/friends
Your friends and family are your first network. Introductions at family gatherings, parties, being setup with their single friend, etc. If you’re lucky, you can have a successful [at dating] man take you under his wings.
After that are activities, classes, presentations, and shared interests such as:
● Dance classes - a goldmine - salsa, swing, ballroom, etc
● Yoga classes - a goldmine
● Meditation courses and retreats
● Cooking classes
● Volunteering, charities, charities events (usually overloaded with great women)
● Amateur sports leagues
● Training courses (leadership, public speaking)
● Political organizations or events
The following requires more skill as you’re often working alone and the approaches are cold. The more typical places are:
● Art gallery
● Library - but you have to be quiet
● Events like festivals, concerts - these are harder because there’s so many people around and she’s probably with other people and it’s noisy
● Coffee shop
● Tourist destinations - good for flings due to its transient nature
● Sports hangs outs - like open volleyball, billiards, swimming pool
Clubs and bars are harder because the competition there is quite fierce for everyone. Don’t bother looking for your life partner here. It’s very rare to land a good one inside a club. Lounges have classier women because it is pricier too so you’ll also find plenty of gold diggers.
I noticed that the average height difference between genders within the same race is remarkably consistently 5 to 6 inches. I think this may be a sweet spot. It would also help explain why even just a difference of only 1 to 2 inches can be very bad for dating because just 1 inch is 16% to 25% shorter than their unconscious expectations.
Loosely speaking, men should aim to be man should be 10% taller than the woman.
Some study on differences between couples found that the rarest married couple is a taller woman with a shorter man. This one difference beat everything else. Shorter men should look for shorter girls and put in more effort. It’s tough for all short people.
Identify interested girls
With the exception of elite-tier men, the main reason (outside of basic foundation like confidence and social skills) why a guy does well with women is because he identifies women that are into him and approaches them.
Step 2 - Approach
Her impression and thus the most important parts of your approach are (in order of importance):
● Approach within 3 seconds
● Have a warm/friendly vibe see vibe under How to fix yourself
● not matching any negative stereotypes
● Looks and body language
● dominant confidence [eg being a man and leading the interaction]
● Ability to communicate clearly / conversation skills
The approach itself is done in this order:
● Approach at an angle if you’re walking (don’t walk straight to her because it appears threatening)
● Be slightly higher energy than her
● Make eye contact when close by her [long eye contact looks creepy from far away]
● Smile warmly
● Slow down to about 50% of your normal speaking speed. Let your non-verbals communicate more.
● open her.
What actually comes out of your mouth is going to be forgotten very, very quickly. However…
First impressions set the frame for the rest of the relationship and tends to stay the same throughout the rest of your interactions with her. Once a woman has an idea of what kind of guy you are (or at least how she thinks you are) it’s hard to change that view.
Therefore, it’s not so much what you say that matters as long as it gives her a good first emotion.
Any of the following is good:
Avoid being remembered as:
● too politically correct
● very "nice"
Don’t embarrass her
Earlier I told you appearance is very important. Here’s one more reason why. When you look good, you make her look good for being approached.
When a suave, sharply dressed, clearly savvy guy approaches her, it reflects well on her. Other people see “She must have value for that cool guy to approach her”. It’s the opposite when a bum or Asian man [due to smearing] approaches her.
Make sure when you approach her that the situation won’t embarrass her. For example, if there’s a lot of people around looking, her friends are around, with her family, just walking out of the washroom, etc. You’ll have to use your judgment. If these crappy scenarios are the only opportunity to meet her, then maybe it’s worth the risk, but in general, you try to avoid putting her in awkward / embarrassing situations. If you must approach in these weird situations, it helps to show your awareness and social savvy with something like “I never thought I would be meet a girl outside a washroom but I can’t flush you out of my mind.”
Stop being clever. You only need to prove that you’re normal and non-threatening.
“Hi, I noticed you and wanted to meet you” works fine when said casually in a non-needy way.
The vast majority of my approaches begin with, “Hi, my name is Tim." They work so use it.
Compliment her on something, preferably something unique: shoes, jewelry, hair, eyes, lips, hair, whatever. Say something like “That necklace really brings out your graceful neck”. “You have the most angelic hair I have ever seen.”
Trolling / Pranking
Trolling/pranking is great. This shows that you can have FUN and gives them emotions straight away. Creating situations is often the best way to engage someone.
“There’s a bug in your hair” prank on youtube is an excellent example of this.
The easiest way to start conversations are observational. Observe their body language, facial expressions, physical actions, their surroundings/context, the people interacting with them, etc.
People may look bored or impatient when waiting in line, shocked by something they read, smiling because of something they’re listening to, rubbing their hands because they’re cold, furrowing their brows because they can’t decide, etc. Use those as simple observations to make natural and highly effective openers.
When you open in such a way it shows that you are normal and you understand them and have social savvy and it’s such a natural way to converse. You can make a statement or question about her mood, what she’s wearing, about the situation, her comfort, the situation, etc.
Here are lots of examples:
She’s waiting for the bus
● Assumption - “What class are you late for?”. You’re assuming she’s a student. Doesn’t matter if it’s true. She can correct you and then go from there.
● Read her mind - "Why is it that the buses are always late?"
● Statement - "I think all bus drivers should be ex-nascar racers. That’ll solve the late bus problem."
● Statement/Question: “Your prius broke down?”. The car choice in your question allows you to create a conversation about her. A prius says she’s an “green” type. You can use whatever car you want to make whatever statement about her.
She’s eating a salad
● Assumption - "You secretly long for a good burger?"
● Statement - "The cheat day can’t come soon enough!"
● Statement - "You should have a cheat day. You’re in great shape"
● Statement/Question - “You don’t mind if I dig into this juicy steak do you?”. You’re teasing her about eating something she (may) wants to eat.
● Statement/Question - “Did you lose a bet? Why are you punishing yourself like this?”. This is hard teasing and she may get offended but at least it gives you an emotional response.
● Statement/Question - “Were they out of greasy burgers and curly fries?”. Again, this is teasing and fun.
She’s reading a book
● Assumption - “Are you a literature major?”. You assume something about her and it gives you a topic to start with. If you’re wrong she’ll correct you and the conversation can start that way. You can replace literature with anything. Something corny humorous would be "Are you a criminology major because you stole my heart?"
● Read her mind - When will we get to the good part? Many books are boring so this is a common experience.
● Statement - "Beauty and brains. Where have you been my whole life?"
● Statement - “You look so focused, I didn’t want to intrude. Are you reading a romance novel” laughing smile.
● Question - “Is that book of the month material?” This allows you to learn about her interests.
Step 3 - Chat
Step 3 - 3.5 - Escalate/Show Interest
80-90% of meeting women is THIS. The rest is being attractive and normal. Serious.
I take this from my personal life and accounts from other men and even books that I’ve read. They all agree on this. If a girl likes you, she will generally show subtle hints of interest and if you fail to escalate the interaction in an emotional or physical way then she’ll put you inside the friend-zone. It’s better to escalate too fast than too slow.
Escalate after you’re confident she’s attracted to you. It should be obvious from the tone of the interaction. She won’t tell you usually, but if she’s talking with you for 3-5 minutes and smiling and sharing and talking and not just listening then it’s a good sign. If she compliments or touches then it’s very good.
Do this too late and you’ll be friend-zoned. Do it too early and you’ll seem too easy.
The best way is to let her earn a compliment while escalating non-physically and then physically. Do it by leading the conversation in a way that allows her to earn a compliment. For example, she dresses well. Where did you get your sense of style from? After she answers tell her “I think you have a great sense of style. It’s understated yet unique. It doesn’t hurt that you’re beautiful too.”
I prefer to escalate my interactions by using lingering eye contact, using slower and ever so slightly more sensual tone, then touch, and compliment to make my interest very clear.
Escalate Romantically / Sexually
Never assault her! [just in case you’re that retarded].
Your job is to show your interest and escalate Even if she declines, but she is still engaging you, she is likely interested. Just keep chatting and try again later. However, never ever confuse “no” with she wants me to take her by force*.
You escalate on high points during the interaction: she compliments you, smiles, laughs, gives you pro-longed eye contact, touches your arm, etc.
There are multiple ways to escalate in preferred order:
● Eye contact - Hold longer warm eye contact to communicate your interest. Show attraction with your eyes.
● Smile - Ever had a girl give you a really warm smile? Melts your heart doesn’t it?
● Use humor to create sexual tension. See the humor guide
● Change your voice tonality and tempo to something more seductive. Whisper in her ear. Use an excuse like, “It’s too loud in here” or “It’s a secret” or “I don’t want to embarrass you” then whisper a compliment like the one below.
● Compliment - Show your appreciation for her non-physical and physical traits. An example is, "I like your cute laugh and you have a beautiful smile."
● Touch - This can be combined with the rest. You compliment her and touch her together. Safe places are arms. Next, is hair Next, is knee/lower thigh
● Proximity - get closer. This is a great way to gauge her interest.If she’s comfortable when you get closer it definitely means she likes you.
● Lead / guide her somewhere else
● Ask for her phone number
● Undress her. Keep in mind you need to undress a piece of her and then yourself and back and forth. Otherwise, she’ll feel unfairly exposed.
Here are examples of escalation opportunities (eg high points):
● She gives you long gazing eye contact - compliment her eyes and stroke her hair. Obviously only do this if you’re close. It’ll look retarded if you’re reaching across a table to touch her hair.
● She laughs at a joke - Touch her arm and compliment her on her beautiful smile / cute laugh and sense of humor
● She hits your arm for teasing her or making a joke - Get closer
● She gives you her phone number or a kiss - Change venues by leading her
Step 4 - Close
Close means whatever it means to you. It could mean number, kiss, sex, etc. You should always try to close otherwise you’ll be in the friend-zone. Take it from me, a highly decorated veteran, who has done over a dozen tours in the friend-zone, you want to close.
If you can’t close her and she hasn’t given any “dead-end” signals (“leave me alone”) then it means it’s safe to continue pursuing in a non-needy way.
If you’re going for a date close just refer to it by the activity and give a time like Let’s check out the boardwalk, check out the night-market, go to Crystal Park this Tuesday at 6pm. Make it sound casual such as
● "I’m going [here], why don’t you join me?"
● "I could use an extra set of hands to carry my groceries"
● “Have you ever tried [whatever] coffee? I bet you’d love it.”.
Step 4.x - Kiss
Signs that she’s ready:
● prolonged eye contact
● she looks at your lips
● touched already
● sitting/standing close together
● gotten attraction and rapport.
● Ensure good breath and moist lips
● Go in slow and just touch her lips and back away then…
● Return and part your mouth and slowly sink your lips onto her…no tongue or saliva…just soft…and S L O W then…
● Use your hand to hold her…maybe brush her hair…gently clasp the back of her neck with your hand
● Be the first to push her away [optional]
Step 4.x - Asking for a Date
See planning the date in next section for good ideas
Me: Hey Lisa, it was nice seeing you tonight.
Her: You too!
The next day
Me : Hey, you said you work until 5PM, right?
Her: Yes, do you still want to meet?
Me: Yah. How about 8:00?
Her: Can we do 7:30?
Me: Sure. In the city center?
Her: Yes, in front of [some place]. Do you know where it is?
Me: Yup. See you there.
Her: See you soon.
That’s it. I’d say 70% of me asking for a date looks like that.
Step 5 - Planning the Date
Go for evening action dates [see below] that are close to either your place [preferable], her place, or some other lodging [crucial for sex]. Action dates are interactive where you two are moving around, doing stuff, have plenty of excuses to touch each other, eat, walk, drink, check things out and talk about, and generally have plenty of choices close by. This is casual, fun, and spares her from being trapped in potential awkward situations like boring dinner for an hour.
For example, a bowling alley surrounded by food/drink, art gallery, park, etc are great. Anything with fun and excitement is always good, but not a must.
● Have your logistics handled. How will you get home. How will she get home? Is lodging close by?
● Bring condoms
● Have activities prepared.
● Have backup plans
● Have cab numbers ready
The following are good options:
● Farmer’s market
● Night maket
● Fairground / amusement park
● landmark like Statue of Liberty
● tourist area
● Teach her / take a class - dance, yoga, cooking, wrestling, boxing, portrait photography, hand drums, massage (just keep it in safe zones for the first date or it’ll seem sleazy), magic
● Sports - pool, bowling, indoor rock climbing, billiards, batting cages, archery, guns [depends on her],
● Ice skating
● Rent a foot / pedal-powered watercraft
● Snow shoeing
● Catch and release fishing
● Photographing [nature, animals, each other, etc] - you better be good at it.
● Jet-skis (just $20/half hour)
● Skee ball / Pop a shot / Air hockey
● Go kart
● Trolling / pranking people and animals.
Be careful with frustrating sports like golf and billiards. Have a backup in case she gets frustrated. I also caution against sleazy dates that involve her getting half naked. Bad optics.
● Quality of places you take her. Look up reviews online.
● Right times to go. Are they closed certain days? Close early? Packed with drunks?
● Traffic news to avoid jams / construction / etc
● Weather ahead of time
● Dress code
● Number for taxis
Step 6 - Going on the Date
Dates are the most straightforward part of the process.
When you talk or meet again, you need to reestablish the attraction. You cannot fall back on old interactions. It’s a constant seduction even after marriage. Lead her by suggesting. Don’t ask. For example, “let’s get bowling”, “let’s get drinks”, “let’s check out the boardwalk”, etc.
Your conversations should get deeper and more personal. Ease off the teasing and playful banter. Turn to deeper topics like your lives and what’s important to you. Learn about her passions, dreams, past, favorite things, etc
Step 7 - Going for sex
Hopefully, you took care of logistics as mentioned earlier. If so, you indirectly lead her. It would look something like on a date --> hey, let’s go get some food or a drink --> let’s go, I want to show you my finger paintings / pokemon collection or cmon, let’s netflix and chill [code for sex]
Why did I suggest you post silly things like finger paintings? She knows where this is going and you’re showing social awareness by suggesting silly ideas. Clearly, you are not going to show her finger paintings.
Oh, your place should be clean and not smelly. Once there, get comfy, offer her a night cap, and just get close to her. You can do that by sitting on a couch, giving a massage, going through a photo album, etc. Stroke her hair to gauge her response. If she’s receptive then touch, kiss, and do the rest. There’s something called last minute resistance. I won’t teach you guys to push through it. If she’s not ready, she’s not ready.