Guide -- Dating guide for Asian men - Part 6 - Frames are Extremely Important
Dating guide for Asian men - Part 6 - Frames are Extremely Important
Frames control the way you view reality. It’s extremely important to control this. I see that many Asian males have had their frames hijacked by the racists in media and in person. The frames below apply to life generally. However, in certain cases like business, politics, dealing with police, you’ll better served by being on your best behavior. First, let’s make something clear
Watch Your Inner Talk / do not get brainwashed
Watch your thoughts; they become words.
Watch your words; they become actions.
Watch your actions; they become habits.
Watch your habits; they become character.
Watch your character; it becomes your destiny. - Lao Tzu
The link is clear. Your thoughts eventually become your fate. If you keep thinking you’re a loser, you will become one.
Western society has and is waging a global smear campaign against us by spreading lies about us to program everyone to think Asian men are pure shit. Sadly, many Asian men and women believe these lies such as we are inferior lovers with small penises, sexless, girly but then are violent rapists and oppressive, Asian women hate us, all women hate us, white guys are the best, whites guys are egalitarian (they’re not), etc.
Test the validity of your beliefs with facts and logic. See http://forum.asiansoul.org/topic/338/xguide-dating-guide-for-asian-men-part-7-asian-males-can-t-get-girls-lies-debunked and especially this vicious lie about Asian men’s ‘small penis’. By putting your beliefs under a microscope, you’ll come out with much stronger with positive beliefs that are unshakable by intimidation / racist social pressure.
That attitude is a big part of confidence - knowing who you are - not what a racist society says you are
For example, when some racist white guy says all “Asian men have small penises”, the weak minded Asian man will think “I’ve heard this everywhere so it must be true.” The strong minded Asian man knows this is a racist lie used by insecure and pathetic racists to smear Asian competition. He can flip it on him by accusing the racist of being gay hitting on him.
Start telling yourself things that are true and things that you want to be true. Here are some examples:
● Women find my humor charming
● Women can’t stop looking at my handsome face
● I look and act nothing like those negative stereotypes
● Women wish that an Asian man like me would approach them
● Racists fear that I won’t match their stereotypes and have to actually compete legitimately
● White guys who claim I have small penis are closet homosexuals obsessed with Asian cock / are homosexuals hitting on me
Note: frame of mind is something you can apply to everything: yourself, the people around you, fake memories, the future, your beliefs, successes, failures, etc.
Powerful frames are a bulletproof vest for your mind.
Note: be realistic. Don’t lie to yourself and say, “I can look like crap and still get girls because I’m a non-conformist”. No, you are delusional. Self improvement is always a must. If you are a negative stereotype, fix it immediately.
Here are some frames (starting with the most useful) that I use and I encourage you to steal them and make new ones that benefit you.
I Accept That I am Not Perfect, but I am Authentic AKA what girls call “be real”
Why this helps: You keep it real.
Act the way you want to act - within reason.
Interact with people with self-acceptance instead of pretending to be something you’re not eg being excessively “nice”, agreeable, apologetic, “badass”, etc. She can respect and be comfortable around you because you’re genuine / honest, have self confidence, a spine, your own opinions, etc. Do things because you want to - not for external validation. Accept the flaws that you cannot change but strive to improve things that can be changed.
● If you like pizza and fries then don’t order veal to impress a girl.
● If you like rock music then don’t pretend to like top 40 to fit in.
I Have Other Options
Why this helps: stops you from acting needy / desperate
Whether you get the girl, the job, the car, the house, etc - it’s not a big deal. There are always have other options. This is what some people call the abundance mindset = non-needy = non-desperate.
If a girl doesn’t want to talk to me then I move on. I don’t waste my time trying to convince her [but I will chase her if she shows interest / playing hard to get]. Women respond very strongly to this because you are outside of her control unlike many men who are easily controlled.
Rejection isn’t personal and happens to everyone
Why this helps: lowers your chances of falling into depression, self hate, withdrawal, etc over something nearly everyone goes through
This is especially important in dating. Life is not like hollywood films. Rarely does anyone always get the girl unless they’re absurdly good looking and good at identifying interested girls. Stop thinking rejection = I’m worthless. Her rejecting your “interest in her” is not equal to rejecting “you as a human being” unless you did really weird shit. She can also reject you for so many reasons outside of your control: is a lesbian, recently heartbroken, married, etc.
My mindset for rejection is to laugh it off. I use it to experiment with jokes. Whatever she does - yell, call me names, give me a middle finger, I applaud her effort and give her a rating. I may even award her style points and give her tips on how to make her next rejection more epic. That’s the power of frame.
I am Responsible for Everything in My Life
Why this helps: Fastest way to get results and kills hopelessness. Blame is often justified but useless.
I am responsible for my success, happiness, health, and everything else. You will hate this but the sooner you accept this then the sooner you will succeed. No one owes me anything.
Note: Obviously, you’re not responsible for natural disasters and freak accidents.
I’m Not Easily Impressed / She’s just a girl [applies to guys too]
Why this helps: Prevents approach anxiety / supplication / ass kissing / nice guy syndrome / adds mystery
When a hot girl shows up, I treat her like a regular girl. No special treatment. I’m just civil. I don’t assign unwarranted desirable traits to her also known as the halo effect (assuming beautiful people are smarter, honest, etc). She has to earn any extra respect beyond common courtesy.
It won’t totally cure approach anxiety but it will lower it. I use a time-machine tactic. I “age” her in my head and she will be frail, ugly, nagging, smelly, etc. If I had any approach anxiety, it’s replaced with a mixture of disgust and laughter.
You can go even further and look at all the potential negatives of being with a woman.
● Lose half of your assets if you split from a long term relationship
● Lose lots of your freedom
● Hang out with other married couples.
● Bitch about nothing
● Try to change or control you
● Waste your money on nonsense
● Try to ration out their vaginas for favors
My Time is Valuable and I Don’t Hand out Favors Easily
Why this helps: Prevents nice guy syndrome / adds mystery
I used this on a 9.5/10 co-worker who asked me to translate something. I replied “What’s in it for me?”. Here’s a chick who has men offering to slit their own wrists just to hear her fart through a phone, and so when she hears this, it’s refreshing - finally, a guy who isn’t so easy.
I Take Care of Myself First
Why this helps: Prevents nice guy syndrome
Put your own needs first - within reason. These things have priority: your schedule, time, interests, needs, etc. Take care of these things and then you may consider the needs of others. Obviously, you will need to compromise from time to time to meet a friend or partner half way, but in general, you should learn to say no when people’s needs are overpowering your life. If your life is spent doing things for others then you’re silently building resentment inside unless that’s the life you want. If you want to be a philanthropist for example then there’s probably no issue. This advice applies triple for strangers like a hot girl you just met who wants you to give free business advice.
I am the sun. She is the Earth that Orbits Around me.
Why this helps: Prevents nice guy syndrome / ass kissing / adds mystery
Excuse the corniness. This is a simple analogy that leaves out the confusing details.
I am the center that she revolves around
I lead. She follows. I built a life that she can be a part of. I sustain her with my light [attention, validation, affection, protection, loyalty]
I am unwavering and calm
● She can’t shake my beliefs, intimidate, or manipulate me.
● I expect nothing from her.
● She is free to leave as she pleases but I am unaffected.
The part about being unaffected is sort of true. You will be affected, but you should not expect women / anyone to be loyal forever. The key is that you understand other people’s actions do not define who you or your value as a man.
People Want me Sexually (men and women)
Why this helps: Prevents ass kissing / lowers approach anxiety / gives you self-confidence to escalate and ridicule bullies
That sounds cocky but here’s why I use it.
● When a guy tries to stare me down I accuse him of giving me creepy bedroom eyes or that I’m flattered but I’m not homosexual.
● When I see an attractive girl I approach because I assume she will find me attractive.
● When a girl hits my arm, I accuse her of groping me.
● When a girl prolongs eye contact, I kiss her because I assume she wants me.
My “strong” behavior is possible because of strong frames. Notice how I assume certain things about people I interact with?
Let’s take a look at a time when I was brainwashed by racist media and discrimination. I had no “strong” frames in just high-school alone:
● Pretty Chinese girl with a rare 36 c or d cup wearing outfits that I said were attractive and laughing at shitty jokes
● A bunch of South Asian girls (one who was the hottest in the school with a 34c chest) smile and giggle when I’m around.
● A 5"6 white girl with the whole blonde hair blue eyes. I asked her to come out to visit a new mall because I was bored and she showed up in cartoonishly high heels and a midrift and red lipstick. She never wore this with her friends.
● A Japanese girl, a year older, called me adorable and gave me her number and told me she was annoyed we only talk on the phone instead of doing stuff together. She was a dancer for a national football team.
● Similar nonsense happened in university.
I’m not bragging. I’m just sharing this stuff to explain that my mindset was so screwed that I didn’t see these as indicators of interest. I just saw them as wanting to be friends or maybe they’re trying to toy with my feelings because I am Asian so why would they want me?
I’m not particularly good looking either. My appearance has been described as an Asian Skeletor or relapsing drug addict, and I wore glasses at the time and had mildly bad skin too.
“I dated lots of hot chicks and they’re usually not worth the trouble…because of all the drama, high maintenance, and their insecurities because they’re constantly comparing themselves to other women”
Why this helps: Prevents ass kissing / nice guy syndrome
One of my craziest yet most effective frames is this one. It’s crazy because I haven’t dated super hot girls - very attractive but not lingerie models.
This frame is super powerful because by programming your mind to believe this, your attitude of “I don’t know if you’re worth the trouble” will trigger her attraction. She needs to qualify herself to you as different - no drama, loyal, low maintenance, etc. Your frame tells her that unlike many guys she’s met, you actually have experience and standards.
I understand you think this is sad, but you could always use the frame “I can’t believe a hot chick is talking to me. I must kiss her ass” and see how that works.