Guide -- Being respected / Confident / Charismatic / Charming

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Command Respect

First, you need to deserve respect. Act in a way that says you respect yourself. Be valuable, dress well, be confident, and treat others well. They should treat you well. However, some people will still try to mess with you, in which case punish disrespect. You need to be the same with women. It’s different since you don’t physically fight. You simply put your draw your boundaries and when they step over them, you cut them off until they apologize. You have to be firm but civil. Usually, it takes one strong example to put people in their place.

Often, however, the girl is just testing your character with “shit tests” - see “Beat Shit Tests” so don’t over-react or she’ll think you’re nuts.

Confidence

Appearing confident is not about expressing confidence. It is confidently expressing everything. Great singers don’t tell people “I’m great singer”. The quality of their singing demonstrates their confidence. In other words, you need to gain competence, usually from skills which can be learned, and the confidence will follow. Gaining experience helps a lot especially in public speaking and social interactions.

The other major aspect is just pure luck - your genetics. You can work on it a lot though. See the Fashion Bible for Asian men. If you want more, head over to How Asian Men can Fix Themselves to be more Attractive to Women

Charisma / Charm / Being Charismatic

Charm is making people feel valuable / good by spending time with you. The crux is having high value and high kindness.

Your value rubs off onto others and they’ll feel more valuable for having just interacted with you. The more value you have, the more your presence is seen as a “gift”. Imagine a bum approaches you at a party. It’s embarrassing. Contrast that with a part time model and the CEO of a big company. To be charming, they still need to be engaging and warm, but all else equal, people with higher value give off more “charm”.

Here are the main points to creating charm loosely grouped into three related areas [need all three]: presence, power, and warmth.

Presence: Give your undivided attention
● engaging eye contact
● listen actively, See conversation skills section for in-depth guide.
● show interest in them / their thoughts
● do not fidget or be nervous
● wait two seconds before responding. So they finish speaking, you pause, non-verbally react / think, then respond. This shows respect and that you were listening.

 

Power: Have high value / Ability to effect things [at the highest levels, control things]
● Looks
● Status
● Strong deliberate and comfortable body language. Do not be afraid to take up space.
● Speak well. Less is more. Say less but make every word count. Speak slowly and clearly.
● Money
● Skills
● knowledge
● Connections

 

Warmth: Be genuine without an agenda

Although one of the main benefits of having charisma is to influence others to do what we want, you can’t be so obvious about it. It shouldn’t be your only goal. Cultivate a genuine like for people.

States Resonate and Vibe

Read the section “States Resonate” and “Vibe” in the How to Fix the Asian Man guide

● Acceptance - do not judge, criticize or find fault in others
● Inclusive - introduce them to others, and invite them to gatherings
● Appreciation - appreciate their presence by being friendly and enjoying their company with your positive approving tonality, positive emotional expressions, and engaging in conversation. Taken to sociopath levels, telling people what they want to hear, even if when you’re lying.
● Approval - agreeing when you agree, praising them, smiling, cheerful tonality
● Affection - smile, touch, hug, warm friendly eye contact. How far you take this depends on how well you know them and how comfortable they are with you.
● Respect / Compliment - compliment their efforts and their good qualities (everyone has them)
● Care about them
● Be thoughtful - thoughtful gifts, ensure they are well fed and happy at your party
● Give Value - This is unnecessary but very helpful. If you can easily give them something of value then do so. This means telling jokes, sharing knowledge / experience, offering connections, offering discounts, informing them of job openings, etc.

Avoid the transaction mindset of “giving something in the hopes of gain”. Compliment when you want to want to acknowledge something worthwhile. Don’t compliment just anything or you’ll be known as the ass-kisser.

 

Here are things that you never do:
● Never point out their flaws
● Never judge negatively
● Never use your power or intelligence against them
● Avoid arguments. Diffuse disagreements by changing subjects. You get no points for “winning an argument” with most people.

 

Charming a woman requires three things:
● Affection - smile, touch, compliment
● Attention - give your undivided attention.
● Respect - acknowledge her non-physical assets, validate her opinions, basically see her as a human being

Charming a man requires that you acknowledge and praise his achievements.

You can read more here, but it’s very long and I just summarized most of it.
http://www.artofmanliness.com/2013/11/06/the-3-elements-of-charisma-presence/
http://www.artofmanliness.com/2013/11/12/the-3-elements-of-charisma-power/
http://www.artofmanliness.com/2013/11/20/the-3-elements-of-charisma-warmth/