Whites talk Loud to AF

  • Has anyone noticed when white men talk to Asian women- they insist on essentially yelling at them, or talking at a high volume? Asian women seem to be the one kind of women who don’t show their distaste of this. AF could use some conversational tools like: sniff/scoff at loudness, make a remark laughingly “why are you yelling”, ignore person, give a delayed response to convey importance, etc. This is what white women do. White women have mastered the b*tch shield - perhaps because they have evolved to put up with a white guy’s BS. Asian women seem ill-equipped to deal with white male aggression.

  • administrators

    @natalie_ng You hit on one of the main points actually.

    racialized images can cause Asian American women to believe they will find greater gender equality with white men and can cause white men to believe they will find greater subservience with Asian women.
    This dynamic promotes Asian American women’s availability to white men and makes them particularly vulnerable to mistreatment.

    Asian American Women And Racialized Femininities ‘Doing’ Gender across Cultural Worlds http://www.irows.ucr.edu/cd/courses/232/pyke/femininities.pdf

    This next quote is quite long but really exposes the problem with many afwm pairings.

    There are literally hundreds of websites, blogs and forums devoted to attacking virtually all women (or, at least, Westernized ones) — the so-called “manosphere,”…While some of them voice legitimate and sometimes disturbing complaints about the treatment of men, what is most remarkable is the misogynistic tone that pervades so many. Women are routinely maligned as sluts, gold-diggers, temptresses and worse; overly sympathetic men are dubbed “manginas”. This kind of woman-hatred is increasingly visible in most Western societies, and it tends to be allied with other anti-modern emotions.
    The men’s movement also includes mail-order-bride shoppers, unregenerate batterers, and wannabe pickup artists who are eager to learn the secrets of “game”—the psychological tricks that supposedly make it easy to seduce women.
    Some take an inordinate interest in extremely young women, or fetishize what they see as the ultra-feminine (read: docile) characteristics of South American and Asian women. Others, who have internalized Christian “headship” doctrine, are desperately seeking the “submissive” women such doctrine celebrates. Still others are simply sexually awkward…
    The common denominator is their resentment of feminism and of females in general.

    Leader’s Suicide Brings Attention to Men’s Rights Movement | Southern Poverty Law Center:

  • @secondstrike Urgh, it’s always white guys who have some issues (whether mentally or physically) that have a thing for Asian women. I’m thinking it’s because white women don’t want them because of their issues, hence why they go for Asian women.

    @arcterex Ya, they get really confident with Af because of the stereotypes and honestly, the typical Asian behavior. It’s just feeding sheep to wolves.

    This is why I sort of look up to and admire some black women on their ways of dealing with white men, lol. They have the no-BS attitude which scares white guys away and I’m all for that.

  • administrators

    @arcterex Ya, they get really confident with Af because of the stereotypes and honestly, the typical Asian behavior. It’s just feeding sheep to wolves.

    I didn’t realize it at the time because I wasn’t aware of any Asian American identity stuff; so I was just like, “Oh, a guy’s interested in me, let’s give it a try.” But then I went to college and I started realizing how he stereotyped me.
    I know, it’s horrible, it’s horrible. It’s absolutely ridiculous and I realize that now, but at the time I was just still so young and I hadn’t learned about everything yet. I knew it didn’t sit right, but I didn’t understand why.
    Like Charlene and Ann, Iris’s first boyfriend was also white. Initially, she had no idea he had a preference for Asian and Asian American women, because she was his first girlfriend. She began to suspect it because he would make statements about another Asian American woman he liked
    He was the first one to tell me that Asians are tighter down there [vagina]. Which is obviously false but he had all these really weird conceptual things about his penis and it was really awkward…dehumanizing.
    It took going to college and learning about race, Asian American history, and other forms of oppression for her to re-examine things from the past. While she could "feel"that something was not quite right, it took exposure to anti-oppression frames to be able to articulate the problems. She is now more wary of dating white men because of this past experience.

    Asian American Sexual Politics: The Construction of Race, Gender, and Sexuality: Rosalind S. Chou

  • administrators


    He sounds like he came straight out some studies I’ve read about interracial relationships (afwm specifically)

    Charlene dated a very abusive boyfriend for two years. He fetishized her sexually and was also verbally abusive. In an effort to please him, Charlene would dress in cheongsams to fulfill his sexual fantasies.
    He would just make comments, like, Asian girls are the tightest [in reference to her vagina] or they’re the most submissive, know how to serve and cook. he became really abusive. he was driving me to the SATs screaming at me: "How could you look up directions wrong? You’re the stupidest fucking bitch I’ve ever been with, you cunt!"
    Prom, same thing. I got directions and he thought that the exit was sooner than it was and he was like, "We’ve missed it, we’ve missed it. You’re a fucking dumb shit!"
    The moment that Charlene no longer matched the fantasy of a submissive, inferior servant, her boyfriend erupted with his verbal assault. She had challenged the power balance by scoring higher than he did on an exam. She was younger than him, and this disrupted the hierarchy.

    Asian American Sexual Politics: The Construction of Race, Gender, and Sexuality: Rosalind S. Chou

  • Hmmm…I usually avoid conversing with white guys unless it’s for professional purposes at work so I don’t have a large enough sample size to conclude this.

    But I did once have a white male manager at my first job out of college who was loud and obnoxious. Incidentally, he was also married to an Asian woman (Filipina). He constantly said racist things such as why he wouldn’t move to a certain neighborhood because there are “too many Mexicans and Vietnamese” and when a Vietnamese coworker of mine showed us photos of his dogs, my douchebag manager said, “Aren’t you people supposed to be eating your dogs?”

    I was extremely annoyed but since it was my first job using my degree, I kept quiet. It wasn’t until he targeted and harassed my Asian male coworkers (including my husband, who worked at the same company with me) constantly, dragging them into his office to yell at them and criticize their work (even though they were the most efficient/fastest workers at the company), forced ALL of the Asian guys, including a Hapa guy, to work graveyard and later fired them that I decided to quit.

    He probably falls perfectly into what you have noticed. Loud and obnoxious white guy who raises his voice at Asian women. Besides me, he hired a lot of Asian female employees. One of them he loves flirting with (despite her being half his age) and he once yelled to her that he wished the rest of us female employees were as “kind and sweet” like her. This is mostly because we all hate him so none of us bother kissing up to him except for that one girl.

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