Could parents' status-seeking ways be influencing daughters into WMs?
It recently hit me how a lot of the older generation Asians put a ton of emphasis on kids to become doctors, make good money, buy big houses, buy brand new cars, etc…all seemingly for status and to show off to their friends/family how “successful” their children are. Not sure if ALL older Asians in their 50s+ are like this but a huge number of them where I lived (Asian enclave) was definitely like this. And if an Asian doesn’t seem to fit their specific criteria to measure success, they seem to look down on or sneer at the individual.
I’m just now wondering if all this obsession with status has any influence on their daughters wanting an SO for status rather than love? In order words, could this be causing young women to chase specifically only white dudes?
Personally, my parents never cared much about status (hence why we’re poor, lol) and while they would’ve liked me to become a doctor, they never tiger-mommed me into it. My mom especially always emphasized that health and family was more important than money and both my parents believed that as long as we have enough money to live comfortably, that’s all we needed.
So when I got married at a very young age, my parents didn’t complain much at all. However, a lot of the older Asian-Americans (ages 50+) at my workplace and some of my parents’ friends sneered at me and looked down on me for marrying “too young” (and even for western standards, I admit it kinda was). They said things like, “Oh I would NEVER let my daughter do what you’re doing. Nope. She has to get her Ph.D. and get her mansion first!” and “Only bad girls marry at such a young age.” Keep in mind I already had a college degree and a fairly stable job at the time I was marrying, plus, my husband is also Asian and has a steady income himself, yet they STILL looked down on me.
Obviously, I didn’t care. I married for love, not to impress random strangers.
One of the only older Asian-American person I knew who didn’t disapprove of my marrying young was a man in his 60s. He was happy for me. Interestingly enough, he doesn’t tiger-mom his kids either and even more interestingly, his daughters are happy to date just within their ethnic group.
So it’s just making me wonder if their extreme obsession with status is what’s causing their girls to marry only for status, not love? From what I can see, people like Amy Chua who are obsessed with tiger-momming are also obsessed with status, hence why she puts so much pressure on her daughters to do shit that she thought would impress other people (and hence why she, herself, is into white dudes). This, I suspect, would cause her daughters to specifically seek out only WMs as well. Idk, what do you guys think? I personally think we need to discourage status obsession in parenting tbh.
EDIT: Oh, I should add that most of the people who made mean/rude comments towards me for marrying young were older Asian women, strangely enough. The Asian men were either neutral or were happy for me. So perhaps status-seeking influence is coming from mostly the mothers?
@WokenUp It’s bad. It’s very bad
Although many of the links prove anti-Chinese racism, whites can’t tell if we’re Chinese, Korean, Japanese, Thai, etc. We’re all the same to them and treated equally poorly.
Racial discrimination in Australia: A third of young people report race-based mistreatment - ABC News (Australian Broadcasting Corporation):
Hidden from public view? Racism against the UK Chinese population
http://www.sociology.leeds.ac.uk/assets/files/research/cers/Min Quan Finished Report.pdf
60 per cent of Chinese in New Zealand feel unsafe, survey finds | South China Morning Post:
I don’t hear too much, but there was a news article about racism in BC, where Chinese and South Asians are a sizable minority.
I’m not Asian-American so that probably has something to do with it
I’m not sure where you’re from but a lot of Asian-Australians, Asian-British and a few Asian-Canadians who are self-hating as well, not just Asian-Americans. I think living in a predominantly white country in general does that to some people. Heck, even some Asians in Asia are self-hating despite having grown up around other Asians (dying hair bleached blond, blue eye contacts, dream of marrying a white boy, wanting hapa kids, etc…)
I just had a lot of great influences growing up. Fan of anime, fan of kung fu action movies, had a dream to go to Japan and draw anime for the rest of my life, I went to Kumon (i.e afterschool maths tutoring for Asian kids), lot of Asians in my school years, best friend was Japanese in middle school.
Good to hear that you had a fairly normal upbringing or at the very least, didn’t go to great lengths to distance yourself from anything associated with Asians.
It’s amazing no Asian-American guy has snapped and gone on a killing spree.
That’s because we’re more civilized than whites are LOL.
I did meet one Asian-American girl who said she doesn’t associate with Asians. She told me that while we were eating lunch together.
She said that straight to your face even though you’re Asian? Should’ve told her to get out of your face then, since you’re Asian lol.
Is it that bad in America? Or has it always been this bad and it’s just the dirty laundry is getting aired now?
I believe it’s always been pretty bad. Luckily I grew up in an Asian enclave and watched/listened to a lot of Asian media so I was pretty much shielded from a lot of the racist crap that goes on outside of my happy bubble but from what my parents have told me about their experiences when they first arrived here, it sounded pretty bad. They had trouble finding employment due to their race, they had trouble finding a place that would let them rent an apartment due to their race, and my dad got ganged up by a bunch of white douchebags (luckily he has had a lot of fighting practice and experiences before arriving here so that helped him a lot).
Not to mention, while white dudes here may treat me nicely (for obvious reasons), they don’t treat my husband the same way because he’s an Asian male. I’ve legit seen white dudes (who happen to be married to Asian females ironically) act super friendly to me but turn a whole 180 degrees when it comes to my husband. So to answer your question, yeah, it’s bad, especially if you’re an Asian male.
I’m not Asian-American so that probably has something to do with it . I did grow up in an Asian-insert Western country here- but there’s no prevailing images of Asian women being sexualized in my local media. But I can’t say I was totally immune. When I was in high school I didn’t want to speak my language for a couple of reasons. One, everyone spoke English outside of my home so there was no need. And two, I had a little bit of shame. But I never was ashamed of my food. I never categorized things as white or Asian but I just kind of did my own thing. I just had a lot of great influences growing up. Fan of anime, fan of kung fu action movies, had a dream to go to Japan and draw anime for the rest of my life, I went to Kumon (i.e afterschool maths tutoring for Asian kids), lot of Asians in my school years, best friend was Japanese in middle school. I always felt different but I could never really express it. Basically, if someone was bullying me I would just not talk to them unless absolutely necessary. But I see the stereotypes in American media and I think if I was born in America, it would be a different story. I mean, you guys have it rough. It’s amazing no Asian-American guy has snapped and gone on a killing spree. In regards to distancing from anything Asian, I did meet one Asian-American girl who said she doesn’t associate with Asians. She told me that while we were eating lunch together. I was speechless. Is it that bad in America? Or has it always been this bad and it’s just the dirty laundry is getting aired now?
@secondstrike LOL @ their logic. How can they have a beautiful kid if they and their spouse don’t look that great to begin with? I don’t consider myself a geneticist but it doesn’t take much to figure that out, lol. There’s a reason why the majority of hapas are mediocre-looking at best. It’s usually because the parents, especially the white dad, doesn’t look that great to begin with lol.
I had experiences with white boys where they were nothing but bullies. Same with the white girls. I understood that they looked down on me because I was Asian. So…I guess living in the West protects me from fantasies?
That’s great that you never felt pressured into desperately trying to get your bullies’ acceptance/validation. Sadly, the same can’t be said for a lot of Asian-Americans living in the west, even though many of them have also been picked on by whites while growing up. If anything, many of them felt an even stronger urge to assimilate by distancing themselves from anything Asian and embracing everything white, after getting picked on or teased by white folks. So for an Asian, especially an Asian female, to have enough pride as to never cave in or bow down to bullies (aka whites) is rather rare.
This is possible I think. Strangely enough, my parents were a little like yours. They never cared much about status and they never pushed me to become a doctor, lawyer etc. My cousin got married at a young age and the family were talking about it but I don’t think anyone was complaining or looked down on him for doing so. And I have no intention of marrying a WM because I don’t have some weird obsession with them as some Asian women do. They are not attractive to me at all. I admit when I was younger I found some white guys in movies attractive but my thoughts were never, “OMG MUST DATE BCOZ WHITE BOY”. It was a passing thought and I thought nothing more of it afterwards. Because I guess, I had experiences with white boys where they were nothing but bullies. Same with the white girls. I understood that they looked down on me because I was Asian. So…I guess living in the West protects me from fantasies?
So the only thing they love about Asian guys is their money and the little status it brings. They only start becoming receptive when you acquire status symbols such as a nice car, an expensive watch, or an influential position in your company. Is that not the very definition of a gold digger?
Money is one form of status, but usually that’s the only thing Asian guys have in America. White guys in America innately have a lot status. It takes a relatively large amount of money to equal a certain amount of status, so that’s why Asian women prefer white deadbeats over average Asian men.
Rich Asian men usually don’t have it easier. Areas where rich Asian men congregate (such as the Bay Area and NYC) are also full of rich white men. The status white people possess easily outweighs any money Asian men may have. That’s what Asian men are competing against.
One way to circumvent these disadvantages is to dominate Asian women sexually (and that’s where the lifting and game and PUA stuff comes in). The real solution is for parents to teach their Asian daughters to love Asian men against the tide of pro-white propaganda.
@natalie_ng I hear you, but I still think the hapa beauty myth is a big drawl. The wm may be ugly, but she may deluded enough to think, "but at least our beautiful baby will be worth it**.
Lol, what if there aren’t that many Korean girls around to begin with?
Well, then they were going to arrange a date with me from a lady in Korea.
hey can’t possibly expect you to just stick with Koreans if there are hardly any where you live.
There are actually lots of Korean American girls where I live though…
Were most of those girls dating white?
No, rich Asian guys.
@secondstrike What I mean by AF seeing WMs as a sign of status is that it’s like owning a horribly ugly designer bag. They don’t care that it’s ugly, they would still want the bag just for its logo/brand name. They’re essentially just paying thousands of dollars for the name and nothing else. Similar to useless luxury European cars that break down all the time. You’re paying for only the name but the car itself is useless and unreliable.
I think many AFs view WMs the same way. The know those WMs are ugly, lame, poor, awkward, etc…but they marry them anyways only because they’re white.
As for the “beautiful hapa baby” thing, that might apply to Asians in Asia who are rarely around whites and actually buy the bullshit that all whites are beautiful. But I find it extremely hard to swallow the idea that Asian-Americans who are exposed to whites on a daily basis still think that all whites are beautiful and that all Asians are not as attractive. Surely, they must’ve at least seen the hideously obese whites roaming Walmart, the filthy/stinky ones homeless on the streets, female coworkers who don’t wear make-up on their lazy days, etc…and surely, most Asian-Americans know at least a few attractive Asians whether in their own family or among friends.
My thinking is that maybe many Asian-Americans do know whites can be very unsightly to look at but still want to get with one because it goes back to what I was saying about owning an ugly designer bag. They don’t care that it’s ugly, they just want the brand name. In this case, they don’t care their SO is hideous, they just want him to be white.
My grandparents, uncles, aunts, parents tell me I have to marry a Korean girl, and they also tell the young ladies in the family to marry Korean guys. Hell, they give me shit for dating my Chinese girlfriend right now, little do they know I’m going to marry her.
Wowww they’re super conservative if they’re even against you marrying Asians of other ethnicities. Lol, what if there aren’t that many Korean girls around to begin with? They can’t possibly expect you to just stick with Koreans if there are hardly any where you live.
I’ve seen some of that shit in high school and in college. Seen few Asian girls talk about what their boyfriend is worth and provides rather than what they love about them. I cringed so much I have wrinkles now.
Were most of those girls dating white?