How important is shared culture to you when choosing a sig. other?

  • Is it not important at all, somewhat important, moderately important or very important?

    When I was only 16 or so, I was attracted to Asian/Asian-American guys mainly for their looks and I wasn’t thinking too much about culture until I got into a serious relationship with a 4th gen. Asian-American guy. I thought he would be similar to the 1st/2nd gen Asian-American guys I dated but I was (regrettably) so wrong. He was white-washed to the core. He hated eating with chopsticks and made fun of chopsticks, calling them useless despite being of East Asian heritage himself. He bought into liberal BS and didn’t like it when other Asian-Americans had cultural pride (accusing them of being racist). He adored all things western and would talk endlessly about “the beauty of europe.” He didn’t understand why I was so insistent on helping my family financially or otherwise. To him, family is insignificant. Another thing was that he wasn’t very understanding towards my beliefs on sex (I refused to be sexually intimate with him until I think he’s the one–which never happened–but he’s more of a one-night stand type of guy and couldn’t understand why). He had other Asian-American guy friends who had much more pride in their roots than he did and I noticed they began abandoning him after a while. He and I also had endless heated arguments and disagreements due to these cultural clashes until I finally gave up and broke it off with him.

    Fast forward years later in college, I met my husband, who was 3rd gen. Asian-American. I liked him a lot but when he asked me to be his girlfriend, I became pretty hesitant because of his 3rd gen status. After my ex, I became much more appreciative of shared cultural values/similar upbringing. I was extremely worried that my husband would be just as white-washed as my ex-boyfriend. But luckily, I gave him a chance and quickly learned (to my pleasant surprise) that he was anything but white-washed. His 1st gen grandparents babysat him frequently as a kid so he was very much in touch with his roots. Plus, his parents took him to Buddhist temples on a regular basis when he was growing up, ate nothing but Asian food everyday, and he even prefers using chopsticks over any other eating utensil (when I found out about this, I was actually thrilled, lol). Sex-wise, he was also much more understanding of my beliefs than my ex and was very patient with me until I felt comfortable enough to give him my virginity. Also, his upbringing was very similar to mine since his parents’ mentalities were also similar to my parents.

    It was then I realized how extraordinarily important shared cultural values were to me. Comparing him to my ex-bf was a huge contrast. Our relationship went MUCH more smoothly than my relationship with my ex because of these values.

    What about you? How important are cultural values to you?

  • @suiko_no_shin Wow, the Cambodian guy looks really good! I agree that there’s always a chance that you’ll get Anna Lus for daughters but the longer I’ve been talking to everyone here, the more I’ve come to realize that the actual parenting style itself has a lot to do with it, not just the environment. If you and your wife are into Asian media and watch Asian media since your daughter was a baby, have open and honest communication with her about the racism you faced personally by whites as well as other minorities (and do so at an early age! Also do so frequently as she grows up) and do your best to pass down your culture onto the kids (such as your language), they might not be so bad. My parents did all of that and I didn’t turn out too bad despite being a girl, lol.

  • administrators

    @suiko_no_shin She’s got a point though, the Cambodian guy has pointy elbows.CttpacG.jpg

  • Level 1 - Sergeant

    @natalie_ng he did seem like he was WMAF. Dressed preppy seemed like a white neighborhood in the background. But anyways check this out, the mental gymnastics is astounding.

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    edit: This girl is proof positive why I don’t want to have children in America. I don’t want to raise a daughter who grows up to hate her own people and get brainwashed by whatever the media is pushing them. I don’t want to raise a boy who will just turn out rejected by society due to fucked up standards.

  • @suiko_no_shin Let me guess–the hapa guy was WMAF?

    At first glance, the Cambodian girl seemed normal. But then I scrolled down and saw her choice of clothing and hairstyles in certain photos and how she writes some of her comments…yeah, she’s definitely black washed, lol.

    It’s strange though. I used to have another Cambodian girl friend who liked appropriating black culture because she was raised in the hood and she often spoke in ghetto slang (people have said she sounded like a black girl on the phone), but she ONLY goes for Asian guys. Granted, the Asian guys she goes for also tend to appropriate black culture but at least she doesn’t diss her own people, lol.

  • Level 1 - Sergeant

    @suiko_no_shin Just out of curiosity, are most of those twitter profiles male or female? I notice that when it comes to appropriating white culture, it’s mainly AA women but when it comes to appropriating black culture, there seems to be a fair amount of AA men as well. But I’m just wondering if you see the same trend or it’s just me.

    On Twitter, I find Asian guys relatively normal but clueless on Asian issues. I try to inform them whenever I see them. I found a hapa guy (and 1 girl) appropriating black culture with one guy who thought I was a FOB despite the fact that it says the city/state where I come from and I was typing perfect English to him. I found that guy throwing Asians under the bus btw.

    As for Asian girls, I find A LOT. Maybe it’s because of my keywords, I dunno. It’s really hard to tell when they’re appropriating white culture b/c white also means American/Australian/British. When it comes to white culture, I find the obvious signs (like hating Asian guys, etc) The ones who appropriate black culture are OVERT. It’s easily visible because they’ll post pictures of their half-breeds, you can see the lingo and vulgarity that’s often associated with black culture.

    update: Here’s one right here. Cambodian girl. Appropriates black culture and claims that she doesn’t date Asian guys because of diversity. This is the first girl I ever “disowned” and kicked out of the community lmao

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    I think many Asian parents like to emphasize STEM because they want to play it safe and make 100% sure that their kids will find decent paying careers after college

    The part sounds right. I think racial discrimination adds to the pursuit of STEM but is not the driving factor. I say this because the focus on STEM occurs in Asia also. Asians are very pragmatic, which is a double edged sword. Good at stem, failed at PR.

  • @suiko_no_shin Just out of curiosity, are most of those twitter profiles male or female? I notice that when it comes to appropriating white culture, it’s mainly AA women but when it comes to appropriating black culture, there seems to be a fair amount of AA men as well. But I’m just wondering if you see the same trend or it’s just me.

    @secondstrike A lot of people like to glorify/romanticize europe without really knowing much about its history, mainly because whites glorify/romanticize their own continent to everyone else so everyone just follows suit. My ex-bf didn’t just love european social systems…he praised the beauty of european buildings and infrastructures such as churches. He would exclaim how “beautiful” the interior of european churches are but when I point out the elegance in design and serenity of Zen gardens and temples, he would flat out ignore me.

    Yes, I do think Chinese/East Asian culture have better emphasis on morality than western culture, especially where family is involved. On increasing the scope of what to think about, I think many Asian parents like to emphasize STEM because they want to play it safe and make 100% sure that their kids will find decent paying careers after college (I’m not justifying tiger parenting or emphasis on STEM, just explaining why I think they’re doing what they’re doing). White kids have much more luxury due to white privilege so even if many of them don’t make it to college, they can still get management positions just because of their skin color (I’ve seen this happen many, many, many, many times even in Cali). Asians and other non-whites are forced to work much harder and get college degrees just to get to where a white college drop-out can achieve easily. I think a lot of Asian parents recognize this, hence they push the kids into fields that they know for sure will get them decent careers.

    @neonfuzion What sort of problems do you think our culture have? I know tiger parenting seems to be an issue, especially in regards to raising sons.

  • What about you? How important are cultural values to you?

    When I was younger , I did not think about these cultural values , for I thought that they did not matter to me. But as time goes on and as I grow up , I find solace in the fact that these cultural values make me unique , and they connect to to a vast culture and land with thousands of years of history and pride. Although I take pride in these cultural values , I also find that there are problems with them too ; I find that Asia’s must keep and evolve its culture and they must not let it be stagnant.

  • administrators


    lmfao @ the beauty of Europe. That reminds me of

    Many North American intellectuals have this ongoing love affair with everything that is European, particularly with the European ‘social system’ and ‘European culture’.

    This view is somewhat romantic (in a Wagnerian way, searching for the idyll), but it also fully ignores clear historic facts, and defies essential logic. It also blurs reality, doing tremendous harm to any sincere attempts to solve the present global nightmare, which has its roots exactly in the domination over so many long centuries, by European brutality and

    back to that European ‘social system’. It has not been built by the exertions and honest labor of the European people.

    it is built on the enslavement of colonized peoples; it is built on the unimaginable horrors visited on those hundreds of millions of men, women and children, who were slaughtered
    mercilessly by the colonial European powers. It is built through oppression, terror, and almost exclusively, on theft and plunder. To admire it, is like admiring some brutal thuggish oligarch, who has amassed huge wealth by extortion and open plunder, built a gigantic palace and provided his family or his village with free medical care, education, some theatres, libraries and parks.

    Are Europes horrid crimes forgiven?

    Congrats to you. Sounds like you two share something really special. :)

    My answer is for serious relationships. The thing I want most is for her to be a decent human being.

    I find that Chinese culture reaches that ideal better than Western culture. Some examples include caring for family vs abandoning them to nursing homes, in laws caring for kids vs day care, kicking kids out at 20 vs caring for them until they have wings (though…this is a grey zone because it can stifle growth), me me me vs more collectivist actions, worship of celebrity/sports vs worship of intellect, confrontational gender dynamics vs traditional gender roles [both sides doing their jobs], imposing values/religion onto others, often by violence vs live and let live, manipulation/domination vs civility, etc. I know there are many exceptions of Chinese acting like scum and whites doing heroic deeds, but I am talking about generalities.

    Where I feel “white culture” is superior is for encouraging more critical thinking and expanding the scope of what to think about (eg not just all STEM subjects), being more assertive, and less status seeking.

    I’d like her to be culturally Asian but be a little more Westernized so we can raise tigers instead of kittens.

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